amphi.bi.ology

So, i’m gonna make this my therapy post, as I’m engaging in something I’ve tried to do before, but always failed. Can’t say I haven’t grown throughout this overly prolongued episode, but I’m done growing like this. *Buruiană is the Ro. word I prefer using.

I guess I’m choosing this “path” to … maybe become more responsible of the importance of my decision. It’s not nice (at all), but after having realised the new low I’ve reached, I conclude> it’s fuckin high time I did something about “It”.

Mind you, potential reader, I’m never going to be explicit about what the IT is. (the ones who know me might figure it out. and it’s fine.)

anyways, I’m only going to say that in the light of the last events: “this is a gift, it comes with a price. who is the lamb and who is the knife?”

Hopefully, I’m going to figure it out soon enough.

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June 24

focus on the bad stuff, focus on the bad stuff.

but, what am I to do? soon I’ll have a reason to be civil and react.. oh, this pains my silly brain

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30 June

It’s peaceful, too peaceful

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5th July

What was I saying, peaceful? Peaceful my ass! It’s fucking hard either way I take it. I might say it’s defeat or a struggle (ambition, that is) and it’s still… hard. Because I have intuition and stupid means and I realise.. that it is. hard. I’ve got that softy red heart and I squeeze it, but nothing comes out, not anger, nor fury. they’re all bolted behind the gloominess.

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11th July

I just noticed that date (22), trying to remember  what day it was (Monday)… the day my new life began haha! there’s really not much difference after all. same messed up, trashed, idiotic sensations that spur from time to time. same blankness… well, maybe i’ve won determination. just maybe. stop.

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