I lose everything. And I’m waiting for the day I’ll lose my mind. That is, if I don’t lose my recognition 1st..
in theory that’s what I wanted, but now I face facts: they’re gone, I’ve lost them.
NOW WHAT?!???!?
Filed under: dot, random | Tags: nocturne, people, the rakes, whatever the weather
azi am ajuns într-o zonă prin care nu mai fusesem niciodată singură. câmpurile erau verzi(grau/orz), galbene(rapiţă), am trecut prin fâşii de pădure, iar drumul era făcut din bucăţi de beton (au şi astea un nume, dar nu-l ştiu eu). mi-a parut rău că nu aveam camera, mai ales pt că eram singură. ascultam all these things I’ve done şi… atât.
not that I’m surprised, but when someone finds that stability (s)he was looking for (especially the emotional kind), they no longer need the ones they used as a sort of filling. it may be normal, I dunno.. I haven’t quite experienced the whole stability shiz yet, so maybe I shouldn’t judge. But I do, cuz it effin bothers me.
în fine
ăştia-s mişto, pentru că, nu-i aşa, his hair was a mess, but the world is perfect (falling to pieces)
nu-mi place de tine pentru că nu ai fruntea înaltă, pentru că ţi se usucă buzele şi ai gura mică, pentru că esti mai mic decât mine, pentru că pari şi probabil că eşti naiv, pentru că nu ma pui la punct, pentru că nu mă slăbeşti odată, pentru că insişti, pentru ca mă placi, pentru că mie nu îmi place decât de oameni nepotriviţi şi cu care nu am şanse. pentru că nu sunt capabilă să simt ceva. pentru că ar fi prea simplu ca motivele astea să fie adevarate şi de ajuns. pentru că atunci când îmi atingi genunchii nervii mei nu suportă, pentru că în seara asta, când stăteai cu mâna pe piciorul meu, simţeam că ţi-e frică. pentru că deşi te-ai dus sus, a fost ca şi cum m-aş fi lipit de un zid. pentru că ai impresia că dacă mă gâdili e de ajuns. pentru că dacă o să citeşti chestiile astea, şi sunt destule sanse, poate o să treci peste… pentru că o să ştii sigur că e vorba despre tine.
pentru că, de fapt, tot textul ăsta demonstrează că nici eu nu sunt mai presus de banalităţi.
yeah, so.. seems like each lost night comes with the same recipe. dunno which ingredient is unexplainably missing. yet it is.. and I really don’t see the point of doing the same thing, over and over again, with the same hope that smth might occur.. I don’t want revelations, unique happenings; I just.. feel like I’m being invisible in this large, vivid crowd. I dunno.. I don’t know. No matter how much I’m being tormented by this dilemma, I see no possible occurrence of a solution anytime soon. Maybe that’s why.. I anatomize too much. that and the lack of any shred of nerve or stamina. I’m too tired to think.
I’ve often said that I wished I slept and woke up at 23. Am I sleeping right now? Do I really have to wait till then?! this is just emotionally disturbing
now, on a different note, the Paris documentary is absolutely amazing. I love the French accent on spoken English.. oh, and Willy Ronis!
anyhow, real life has nothing to do with anything I’ve written here.
let’s grow eyes.. and make them follow, search and discover. grow hands and make them type, write, dial, wave, or anything alike. let’s grow mouths and make them whistle in recognition, hum that song we like, say they’re sorry… say anything, for that matter.
or grow oblivion and…oh, I forgot.
p.s. nu spune nu
Filed under: dot
and yeah, it was as .less, as futile as usual. keep figuring out what goes terribly wrong in these outings.. why it’s terribly awkward and constantly “not fine”. but, I fail in this attempt to find knowledge, cuz.. nobody can give me a good enough answer.
so, in the mean time..
Filed under: dot
must remember that having discovered an artist doesn’t entitle me to a private audition. people whom i’ve shared the info apparently have the right to pass it on. no matter the receiver. but it’s FUcKING annoying. must not be FUcKING annoying.
oh.. whatttttteva
Filed under: comes as it goes, dot, ouch | Tags: in spatele spatelui ochiului sunt cioburi
can you tell me how to undo the curse? cuz the times of acceptance are shrinking with each bleak thought. wish i had woken up years ago..
