if i did what i wanted, why does it suck so bad. today out of all the days he had to introduce me to his friends, who, and i quote ” accept him the way he is” (like he’s a rebel or smth). i knew he could tell things were wrong, cuz i proposed the meeting (it may have been the 1st time) and i said that i really wanted us to talk. this expression, “we have to talk” always sounds menacing, so of course he could predict my intentions. i had to act natural(faking), so that nobody would note the awkwardness. for a couple of times i even considered dropping the whole thing off, thinking that maybe there’s still smth to save/give/repair/any fucking thing! but i guess i would have only deluded myself. so, when we left, i “declined” his hand and told him he’s gonna hate me. it was unexpected, but he assumed that i was unsure about things yadddaaaaaaa yaddaaa..
then, when i got in the trolley, listening to.. brmc, i think, i really felt like being in a video, imagining how i could easily kiss the guy sitting near me, and then just take off. i was in that nasty depressive state, when i could almost do anything to make it pass. but almost is the key word; i always stop to the thoughts.
so it’s done. it feels like crap. it’s like a reminiscence of another “wise” decision i took quite some time ago and that left me fucked up for a little longer while.
oh, well.. it is what it is.
Filed under: sensory pleasures | Tags: film, joachim trier, reprise, soundtrack
prin bunavointa lui Seeerj, si prin Reprise (beloved, bewitched, believe it or not, it is a masterpiece- at least now 
): Turbonegro-City of Satan (the ending roocks!)
and now:
Joy Division- New Dawn Fades
Le Tigre-Deceptacon (awesome party song!)
The Jam- Set the house ablaze
George Delerue- Camille
New Order- Blue Monday
Finally, Reprise trailer…..
Filed under: ouch
everything hurts… my palms are painfully striped in red. my neck is somehow blocked.. in an unnatural position. i’ve got cramps in my hands and I’m too tired to finish it.
good night, I’ll be the same tomorrow. u’ll wonder where I am, or why I’m not answering your texts, but that’ll be a sufficient reaction: inaction, silence and cut out.
in the mean time, I’ll wander inside my sheets, trying to find the comfort in a bedding that might as well not wrap me. cos each time I rest, I’ve got the impression of being that slave in the script we created 2 years ago, from wet sticks, stained rags and a myriad of nocturnal reflections.
so tonight, that I might sleep… I’ll go sit in the tub and pretend to float.
love love loveeeeee it!
if only, you know… i might spell taken, but that’s not what i am.. so, that IS Why I…
