happy to have, not to have not

it’s been the second night of sleeping on the sofa with all the implied non-did stuff (no shower, no make-up removal, no window closed, no bed made, not covered, no turned off tv and pc or unplugged several appliances). so I pretty much can say that I’ve acted like a completely insensitive person towards the environment. I suck! on the other hand, I may have compensated by not using the water for my 15 min. showers. HA! lame. i did wake up today, at 5:30, too much noise in the house, showered, did the stupid bed and slept. and yeah, I checked my phone and it was blank. my suggestions have obviously been undertaken. (fuck you!)

I’m somehow getting ready for the concert tomorrow, Nouvelle Vague on the running belt.. (adica pe banda rulanta, ca suna al naibii de ciudat) and Kaiser Chiefs. I’m so silly sometimes, but I dreamt of being one of the photographers of their performance and being noticed by Ricky Wilson and dedicated a song… dunno which, but I’d even go for I can do it without you :)). Then again, it was only a dream, so I can’t be held responsible for what my cuckoo mind designs in night time.

[I can't embed the video, dammit, but it's here ]

I have to go make the present and it’s gonna be a lil fuss, I hope those guys won’t tell me they can’t imprint it! And I wanna go to that terrace at Muzeul Taranului Roman… 8->

I’m not sure about things.. can’t particularly put the finger on smth, yet.. it’s somehow wrong. and mischievous and cowardly. too bad I cannot change it.

please, please, please

sa nu fie o reeditare a post-high school time..

it would really be dreadful! and make me lose my hopes :-<

so, let’s GRADUATE!!!!

fo reals

if i did what i wanted, why does it suck so bad. today out of all the days he had to introduce me to his friends, who, and i quote ” accept him the way he is” (like he’s a rebel or smth). i knew he could tell things were wrong, cuz i proposed the meeting (it may have been the 1st time) and i said that i really wanted us to talk. this expression, “we have to talk” always sounds menacing, so of course he could predict my intentions. i had to act natural(faking), so that nobody would note the awkwardness. for a couple of times i even considered dropping the whole thing off, thinking that maybe there’s still smth to save/give/repair/any fucking thing! but i guess i would have only deluded myself. so, when we left, i “declined” his hand and told him he’s gonna hate me. it was unexpected, but he assumed that i was unsure about things yadddaaaaaaa yaddaaa..

then, when i got in the trolley, listening to.. brmc, i think, i really felt like being in a video, imagining how i could easily kiss the guy sitting near me, and then just take off. i was in that nasty depressive state, when i could almost do anything to make it pass. but almost is the key word; i always stop to the thoughts.

so it’s done. it feels like crap. it’s like a reminiscence of another “wise” decision i took quite some time ago and that left me fucked up for a little longer while.

oh, well.. it is what it is.

osT

prin bunavointa lui Seeerj, si prin Reprise (beloved, bewitched, believe it or not, it is a masterpiece- at least now ): Turbonegro-City of Satan (the ending roocks!)

and now:

Joy Division- New Dawn Fades

Le Tigre-Deceptacon (awesome party song!)

The Jam- Set the house ablaze

George Delerue- Camille

New Order- Blue Monday

Finally, Reprise trailer…..

physical effort blows

everything hurts… my palms are painfully striped in red. my neck is somehow blocked.. in an unnatural position. i’ve got cramps in my hands and I’m too tired to finish it.

good night, I’ll be the same tomorrow. u’ll wonder where I am, or why I’m not answering your texts, but that’ll be a sufficient reaction: inaction, silence and cut out.

in the mean time, I’ll wander inside my sheets, trying to find the comfort in a bedding that might as well not wrap me. cos each time I rest, I’ve got the impression of being that slave in the script we created 2 years ago, from wet sticks, stained rags and a myriad of nocturnal reflections.

so tonight, that I might sleep… I’ll go sit in the tub and pretend to float.

keep an eye on….

love love loveeeeee it!

if only, you know… i might spell taken, but that’s not what i am.. so, that IS Why I…

I wish

I felt something. I don’t.

yet.

smth old, smth blue…

stiu ca am zis ca nu mai scriu si ca trebuie sa iau o pauza, dar asa imi trebuie daca citesc lucruri care ma trag in vartej. yep, si mai sufar si de vertij asa ca daca imi rup gatu, pls, puneti-mi o atela.

basically, vroiam sa ma plang putin (i recently got my phd in complaining). am de scris in urmatoarele 2 sapt: research paper 1-la inutilitatea numita e-gov, eseu 1-smth about conservatism si most of all si ceea ce ma ingrijoreaza cel mai mult si ceea ce ma face sa vreau sa-mi dau palme pt lenea nesanatoasa de care sufar acut: licenta as in LICENTA!

yeah, intre altele lumea vrea sa ies, lumea vrea multe de la mine, ba chiar commitment (cel putin pe durata verii) si eu nu pot si nu ma simt in stare. deh, twistedly fucked. stiu ca twistedly nu exista, dar asta nu inseamna ca nu se potriveste perfect. ba mai mult, nu pot sa dorm si apoi ma trezesc la 10 si ziua se scurge ca apa prin tifon si i’m just as i was yesterday and the day before yesterday si tot asa.

vrea sa vad: lucía y el sexo (iar), paris je t’aime (iar), hallam foe, the lives of others si black book. si sa citesc atonement. bineiteles ca toate astea raman planuri pt iulie.

ma duc sa incep licenta. CPR please

p.sss. vine si el. in iulie. 14 if i’m not mistaken. anyone available?

update, i guess: cohen nu mai vine, poate in 2009… daca nu da ortu’

NONsense

sensory pleasure of the day: feeling and breaking with my tongue the roe from the salad…. they’re small and round and soft and once broken, they splash a sort of salty-tasty liquid.. (i’m not very descriptive)

basically, I’m sorta in awe by the fact that though the use of tongue only, one can render how something is shaped.  I fancy the prolongation of the moment of disintegration..when, I take the bits of roe into a sort of oral journey and use my tongue as a… silly comparison, but for the sake of expressing it, as Alanddin’s rug…2 distinct pieces of roe as Jasmine and Aladdin wander in unfamiliar, dark places to eventually be squashed.

i tell you that, I’d loathe being roe.

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there are times when, after leaving my phone in the bag, on silent, but unintentionally (of course), I think thaat, who knows, I might get some proof of movement (signs, letters and numbers, all together in a complex code called “attempt of communication”). but I only think and when i do the fact check, I see that all’s nothing more than misconceptions/hear-say(belive), if you wanna. I have no one in mind..I’d settle with a spam sometimes

i think i’m just too tired. looping, yet facing new whereabouts.

why can’t I sleep and wake up later? when my self will be improved and amended and upgraded..

i had a dream and I’ll keep on dreamin